Month: September 2023

In my years of mentoring parents, I have found that, almost always, we prioritise our children’s needs above our own, inadvertently neglecting our well-being.  We do this with the best of intentions, however, placing the needs of our children at the forefront can have significant effects on our emotional state and our ability to provide the best care for our children.

Empowered parenting is about recognising our emotions around our kids and taking back control of how we feel. 👍🏼

Here are some ways on how to practise SELF-LOVE: 😍

1. Locus of control 

Locus of control allows us to recognise the extent to which we have control over.  While we can create a supportive environment for our children, our children’s emotions are their own experiences and personal responses to different situations.  

What we can control, however, are our own emotions and how we respond to our children’s feelings.  By having this awareness, we model healthy emotional expression and provide a safe space for our children to explore and communicate their own feelings.

2. Observe our thoughts
The way we talk to ourselves, our inner dialogue, has a profound impact on our parenting experience. Negative self-talk can create a cycle of self-doubt and undermines our confidence in providing the loving guidance our children need.

By observing our thoughts and choosing self-love, we create a nurturing and empowering parenting environment.

🌟 Let’s remember, self-love is not a luxury, but a necessity in the beautiful journey of parenthood. Let’s embrace it and watch as our parenting journey blossom with love, joy, and fulfilment. 💖

Raising a disciplined child
is about encouraging our kids to manage their feelings and their behaviour as they work towards certain goals. It is a key ingredient for SUCCESS as it helps our kids to be persistent in achieving their goals and aspirations.
Here are some of my tips on how to raise a disciplined child:

1. Power of language

We need to choose the words we speak to our kids. As parents, our role is to love our child. As we harness the power of language, we learn to communicate that our love for our kids is a given and is not up for negotiation. And it is not them, but certain behaviours that we do not approve of.

Negative labels placed upon kids, such as lazy, irresponsible, difficult, etc., disempower, discourage and demotivate.

Instead, replace these words with their positive traits you wish to amplify.  For example, if your child is kind, or friendly, or generous, do not miss the opportunity to convey these to them.

2. Collaborate when calm

Our children are more likely to understand our expectations, listen and process information when they are in a state of calm. Stress and anxiety, on the other hand, interfere with the way our kids experience reality. Their minds are preoccupied with their own feelings and concerns, making it harder for them to fully engage with their parents’ words and actions.

3. Stage vs age

When we talk about child development, it’s important to differentiate between two concepts: stage and age. While age refers to the chronological age of a child, stage refers to the child’s level of development in particular areas.

As parents, it is crucial for us to know which stage our child is at. We need to understand that children develop at their own pace and our expectations of them must align with their stage.

Ask: Am I setting expectations that my child cannot meet? Am I setting them up for disappointment and/or failure?

Knowing what stage our kids are at ensures that they are supported and challenged appropriately.

Being a parent is one of the most challenging and rewarding roles in life. However, it’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind and forget to be intentional about our parenting. If you’re looking to be a better parent today than you were yesterday, here are some tips to help you on your journey:

1. Unconditional love

When in the midst of frustration, it is so easy to forget that your only role in that moment s to love them without conditions.

How to do this?

Begin by observing your language. Instead of being quick to correct, find out what you can say differently to let your child know that you love them no matter what, and that it is their behaviour that you do not approve of.

As we begin to parent from this starting point of unconditional love, we start to observe how the language, perspective, and energy we  bring into otherwise challenging situations begin to shift. We also begin to see how these allow for a much deeper connection between our child and us.

2. Check in with your emotional bank balance

Evaluate whether you have had meaningful interactions with your child and created opportunities for open connection and emotional intimacy.

It is when you have made enough connection that you can start making withdrawals and be able to effectively convey your expectations and requests. An adequate emotional bank balance brings in structure and routine in the home.

3. Create rituals
Activities and traditions that reflect a family’s interests and values have the potential to create powerful connections and ownership within the family. 

Here are some ideas:

Daily or weekly family walk
After dinner, a short walk is a great way to get out of the house for a bit of exercise and away from screens. If your kids are small, the stroller is a great option. As they grow, they’ll be excited to walk along with you.

Cook together
Cooking together with your child is a fun and rewarding activity that allows you and your child to share a common goal, and working towards that goal can help build a stronger bond between you. It’s a great way to spend quality time together while also teaching valuable life skills and fostering a deeper connection.

Being a parent is a constant learning experience, and it’s important to remember that you can always strive to be a better parent than you were yesterday. It is about making small, intentional changes one day at a time that add up over time. By focusing on these tips, you can create a more positive and fulfilling relationship with your child.

Do you wish your child was more driven?

Do they seem to lack the energy? struggle to get out of bed, do school work or do anything productive?

Are you finding yourself having to yell ALL the time because your child seems to resist your instructions?

I have found that many parents take privileges away from their child , in order to get them to do what they need them to… however this only works for a little while if not at all!

When children resist us, they are resisting our control over them.

Children have a POWER BUCKET that needs to be filled up to help them feel empowered and secure.

Unfortunately, when parents use manipulation (such as bribes, taking away privileges, and setting high expectations) this only removes more power from their power bucket causing them to be further dispirited and, at times, even insecure.

Here are some ‘EMPOWERED PARENTING’ tips on how you can begin to inspire and fire up your child into becoming motivated and responsible again.

1. Ditch the label

Negative labels placed upon kids, such as lazy, irresponsible, difficult, etc., disempower, discourage and demotivate.

Instead, replace these words with positive traits of your child you wish to amplify. For example, if your child is kind, or friendly, or generous, do not miss the opportunity to affirm them.

Watch your child become motivated as you use positive language towards them.

2. Your one and only role is to love them

When in the midst of frustration, it is so easy to forget that our only role is to love them. without conditions.

As we begin to parent from this starting point of unconditional love, we start to observe how our language, perspective, and energy we bring into otherwise challenging situations begin to shift. We also begin to see how these allow for a much deeper connection between our child and us.

3. Your area of control

Focus on the things where you have control over and don’t waste energy on the things where you don’t.

Pick the battles you can win!

Consider this, instead of wasting time and energy correcting and controlling your child’s behaviour, take time to identify their core need and understand on a deeper level what they are going through. As you do, respond to the need with love and compassion.

4. Support them in creating a vision for themselves

STOP creating the vision for your child!

Instead, help them identify their interests and dreams. Build a success road map with them. Work out with them the steps they need to take in order to reach those dreams.

This offers them motivation as they begin to visualise a future for themselves. At the same time, this practice provides them better appreciation of their actions in the present.

5. Each child is unique

One size does not fit all.

Consider how your children differ from one another and from others and allow them to be individuals. Each one of them comes with a dominant trait and a core need that you can lovingly respond to.

By allowing them to blossom into their own unique self without being compared to, they are developing resilience, firm self-identity, and their own special strengths.

When you look at your child what do you see? Most mums see an incredible little person who has the potential to do amazing things in their lifetime. But have you ever wondered what your children think of themselves?

For your child to recognise their own potential and their own strengths is a massive leap in the direction of self discovery.Simply sitting your child down and asking them is a great start. Having this knowledge allows your child to focus their energy on activities they can truly excel in and possibly even continue doing in the future.

Knowing that they have a special talent or a skill they do well can be a huge self esteem boost for your child, this ensures they stay driven and focused as well as enjoy what they’re doing!